Affairs

[Ron Mexico]

The 1st Affair:
>>>
>>>A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
>>>
>>>One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they
>>>fell
>>>asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
>>>
>>>The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside
>>>and rub
>>>them in the grass and dirt.
>>>
>>>He put on his shoes and drove home.
>>>
>>>"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>>>
>>>"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
>>>secretary. We
>>>had sex all afternoon."
>>>
>>>"You lying bastard!
>>>
>>>You've been playing golf!"
>>>
>>>
>>>The 2nd Affair:
>>>
>>>A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
>>>! havi ng
>>>a son.
>>>
>>>They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
>>>
>>>The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>>>
>>>The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
>>>
>>>He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
>>>
>>>He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look
>>>at the
>>>two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind
>>>my
>>>back?"
>>>
>>>The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
>>>
>>>
>>>The 3rd Affair:
>>>
>>>A mortician was working late one night.
>>>
>>>He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
>>>startling
>>>discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
>>>
>>>"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to
>>>be
>>>cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
>>>posterity."
>>>
>>>So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcas! e, and took it home.
>>>
>>>"I have to show you something you won't b elieve," he said to his wife,
>>>opening
>>>his briefcase.
>>>
>>>"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
>>>
>>>
>>>The 4th Affair:
>>>
>>>A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
>>>front
>>>door.
>>>
>>>"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
>>>
>>>She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
>>>
>>>"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
>>>
>>>"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>>>
>>>"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it
>>>so much
>>>I got one for us, too."
>>>
>>>No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>>>
>>>Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
>>>sandwich
>>>and a beer.
>>>
>>>"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days
>>>at the
>>>Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
>>>
>>>
>>>The 5th Affair:
>>>
>>>A man walked into a! cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
>>>
>>>"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
>>>
>>>"One Cent?" the man thought.
>>>
>>>He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
>>>bottle
>>>of wine?"
>>>
>>>"A nickel," the barman replied.
>>>
>>>"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
>>>
>>>The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
>>>
>>>The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>>>
>>>The bartender replied,
>>>
>>>"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
>>>
>>>
>>>The 6th Affair:
>>>
>>>Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>>>
>>>He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
>>>
>>>"There's no need to," his wife replied.
>>>
>>>"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
>>>your best
>>>friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
>>>
>>>"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
>>>

[PigSkinTerror13]

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