ATip For Any Man Who Has Ever Had His Woman Tell Him That Sex Is Not Everything

[Keith]

read on my friends, read on:


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b*tch knows I'm smarter than her.

[PigSkinTerror13]

good post!!!

[Keith]

Originally Posted by PigSkinTerror13

good post!!!

thanks pigskin--I'm not the author, but I felt it was my duty to share it with all the fellas here.

[Klazerman]

Originally Posted by Keith

read on my friends, read on:


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b*tch knows I'm smarter than her.

i've got a fairly large playhouse (doghouse ) which you could use for the next while if you need it Keith.
ballsy move
Klaze

[jonnyblaze]

Nice

[Klazerman]

Just re-read- Sorry I thought you were the author Keith. My bad
Klaze

[skippy]

No wonder prostitution is the world's "oldest" profession.

Its cheaper to pay a hooker for sex.

[ZIGGYSTARDUST]

Funny shit but being a gambler I am laying 3-1 it aint as funny next week ( to you that is, will still be as funny to me) when the wife gets her revenge... I used to tell my ex when she shut me down ( stole this line from Everyone Loves Raymond, in fact I just saw it a couple of days ago on a reun) Well your loss because I was going to be good tonight and it was all going to be NEW stuff.... GL my friend but your fighting a losing battle! You got to know that down deep.... LOL>>>

[OldMan]

Damn thats funny shit!!!!

OldMan

[BigFratDaddy]

hahaha shit thats funny. im going to remember that one

[Henry09]

f-ing classic!

[Keith]

glad everyone enjoyed. To be clear,, this was NOT about me. Was just forwarded to me by one of my associates and I thought I would share it.

[jonnyblaze]

Originally Posted by skippy

Its cheaper to pay a hooker for sex.

Yea but you only get it once

[pwherr]

Originally Posted by jonnyblaze

Yea but you only get it once

And how does that differ from marriage?I figured it out on a monthly basis.It costs me about 1500 bucks each time with the wife so a hooker is a better bargain!

[dannyray]

I tried that and she slugged me...now what???