Deadspin’s Super Bowl “bounty hunt”

[Sweetleaf22]

Dallas guys go make some money, below is this year's tentative price guide to Super Bowl bounty........


MEDIA:

*ESPN, FOX, NBC TV/radio personality drinking alcohol: $1.53
*ESPN, FOX, NBC TV/radio personality dancing: $2.32
*ESPN, FOX, NBC TV/radio personality dancing with porn star/stripper: $156.78-$698.34
*ESPN, FOX, NBC TV/radio personality pooping: $288.43
*ESPN, FOX, NBC TV/radio personality groping young lady in club: $467.92-$765.45
*ESPN, FOX, NBC TV/radio personality passed out: $189.16-$498.67
*ESPN, FOX, NBC TV/radio personality riding a unicycle: $324.45-$702.12
*ESPN, FOX, NBC TV/radio personality juggling horse manure: $567.89-$1,212.18

BIG GAME HUNT:

*Arash Markazi's nipple: $3.67
*John Clayton's ponytail: MARKET PRICE
*Mark Schlereth pissing at urinal: $246.67
*Mark Schlereth pooping: $378.34
*Athlete or ex-athlete peeing on Mark Schlereth's leg: $5,235
*Peter King ordering or drinking coffee: $1.03
*Peter King sideboob: $37.13
*Steve Serby: $.12
*Chris Berman shirtless: $89.95
*Chris Berman pantless: $963.82
*Sweaty Chris Berman talking to young woman: $43.22
*Woman sucking Brian Baldinger's pinkie: $286.21
*Rick Reilly hammily choking someone: $4.32
*Mike Lupica: $8.32
*Mike Lupica berating someone: $28.42
*Rachel Nichols drunk: $78.32

ATHLETES:
*Packers/Steelers player drunk: $50
*Packers/Steelersr dancing with porn star/stripper: $156.78
*Roethlisberger drunk: $98
*Roethlisberger waiting in line for a bathroom with a young woman: $476.12
*Athlete with hand on female boob: $486.34
*Roethlisberger with hand on female boob: Call the police
*Athlete drunk: $54-$127
*Former athlete drunk: $27-$352
* Roger Staubach with girl on lap: $18.84
* Roger Staubach with two girls on lap: $37.68
* Roger Staubach pooping on Mark Schlereth's lap: $20,245

TV/MOVIE STAR
*Drunk: $.30 to $340
*Making out: $45
*Lesbian makeout: $65
*Lesbian makeout session in background while Roger Staubach poops on Mark Schlereth's lap: $456,789.95

WHITLOCK HUNT

*Jason Whitlock dancing: $2.32
*Jason Whitlock dancing with porn star/stripper: $12.32
*Jason Whitlock pooping: $288.43
*Jason Whitlock getting his Becky on: $467.92-$765.45
*Jason Whitlock getting his Becky on with a woman actually named Becky: $3,212
*Jason Whitlock DOIN THE DAMN THANG, whatever that thing is at the time: $23.12

INES SAINZ HUNT

* Ines Sainz in a revealing outfit: $-12
* Other media people leering at Ines Sainz: $50-$332.23
* Ines Sainz pooping: $42
* Ines Sainz dancing with Jason Whitlock: $288.92

And there is your mission, scoundrels. Please have your submissions to me before 5 p.m. Tuesday. Good luck. We're all counting on you.