Football Jokes

[Victor]

Where is the best place to be during a tornado?

Answer: Cowboys Stadium, because nothing ever touches down there.

[NightCap424]

A woman in Dallas calls 911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her "Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."



A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Dallas Cowboy fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Cowboy fans. Everyone in the class raises their hands except one little girl. The teacher looks at the little girl with surprise and says, "Jenny, why didn't you raise your hand?" Jenny replied, "Because I'm not a Cowboy fan!" The still shocked teacher asked, "Well, if you aren't a Cowboy fan, then who are you a fan of?" Jenny answered, "I'm a Washington Redskins fan and proud of it!" The teacher couldn't believe her ears. "Jenny, why on Earth are you a Redskins fan?!?!" Jenny replied, "Because my daddy is a Redskins fan, and his daddy is a Redskins fan, so I'm a Redskins fan, too!" The teacher answered in a slightly annoyed tone, "That is no reason for you to be a Redskins fan! You don't have to be just like your family all of the time. What if your daddywas a moron and his daddy was a moron, what would you be then?!" Jenny smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Dallas Cowboy fan!"

[grzftbl]

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Green Bay Packer. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Packers too. No one really knowing what a Green Bay Packer was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A young girl named Kristen has not gone along with the other students. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Packer."

"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"I'm a proud Dallas Cowboy," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel. "Well, my mom and dad are Cowboys, so I'm a Cowboy, too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Packer."

[ParrotHead]

^^Cmon man

[Cash Calloway]

A forensic specialist is called to investigate a very strange crime scene. This guy is specialist who has a knack for only solving the most bizarre cases. The police believe they have a case even he cant solve when they discover 3 male bodies stripped naked with 2 lying face down and the other face up. What makes this case bizarre is that all 3 men have NY Jet football caps placed on top of their bodies.
Forensic specialist goes over to the first body lying in the supine position with a NY Jet cap covering the genitals. Lifts the cap up looks at the genitals, and puts the cap back down. He then proceeds to examine the next body lying in the prone position with a NY Jets cap covering the buttocks. Lifts the cap up looks at the body and places the cap back. Goes over to the last body lying in the prone position with a NY Jets cap on it, lifts the cap up looks at the body and slams the cap back down victorious that he has solved the case.
Stands up and announces to the crowd at the scene as he starts to walk off. "This case is officially closed nothing wrong here at all." Crowd of officers and personal stand around looking in disbelief. Finally someone asks him, "What ya mean case closed, nothings wrong we got 3 naked bodies here with NY Jets caps on them and your leaving." Forensic specialist blurts out, "I found nothing new here at all, same old story lift up any NY Jet cap and you'll find a Dick or Asshole underneath it.

[darealist2]

Lmao

[Gobbler's Knob]

Heard this one the other day thought it was funny...

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Dolphins fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were dolphins too. No one really knowing what a dolphin's fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A young girl named Kristen has not gone along with the other students. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a dolphin's fan."

"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"I'm a proud Bill's fan," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel. "Well, my mom and dad are Bills, so I'm a Bill's fan, too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Dolphin's fan."

[T100]

there was a divorce case before a judge. everything was settled except the custody of their little boy.
Both parents wanted the little guy to live with them over the other and this could not be settled by the parents or their lawyers.
The judge finally had had enough of this bickering over the poor child and decided he would ask the boy who he would like to live with.
Looking to the boy he asked, son would you like to live with your mother? NO says the boy she beats me.
Well son would you like to live with your father then. Again NO says the boy he beats me too!
Well says the judge who would you like to live with?












The miami dolphins says the boy, they dont beat anyone.

[grzftbl]

Not a joke but a poster in a local bar here:

I'd rather have my daughter work in a whore house than have her cheer for the Red Sox.