Gerks Guide to Being a Popular Capper here at the Mall

[Gerk]

My failproof way to become a popular capper here at the mall, Now available in DVD for $24.99

If I hit too close to home, I'm sorry

1. Come into the Mall as a newbie and proclaim your Game of the Millienium, even though your post total is less than 5. If you hit it, even if you cap at a 14% rate after that (and many do), you will always be followed and admired by the masses. What do you have to lose? It's close to a 50-50 deal

2. Use successful touts picks as your own. You don't do any of the work and you get all the credit when they hit. This is known as the "Copyright Infringement Style of Capping" TM

3. Bump your thread many times a day to get the view counts up. Everyone knows that the threads with the most views are the best cappers

Common ways to do this are thanking supporters individaully in each post or
coming up with an inane fact to add to your picks validity

Example, KC is wearing their throwback unis today.


4. Have many different accounts and have "ghost" posters come into your threads and tell the masses how great you are and how your picks have put their kids into college. This is always more popular early in your career when you aren't known as well.

5. If you miss your ACC GOY one Saturday, come back with a Conference USA GOY the next Saturday. No one will remember that other loss. If that fails, there's another conference around the corner.

6. Go insult people who are well respected at the Mall. This usually gets people to have an instant dislike to you. As we in the business like to say, Any attention, bad or not, is better than no attention.

7. Go to other forums and pretend that your picks are exclusive to only that forum. No one ever figures that out and if you wear out your welcome at one forum, there are several more to choose from. If someone figures out you are posting at more than one forum, tell the forum you are on at that time is the best one out there. The others won't find out.

8. Inflate lines. If you actually got Minny -5, tell the Mall, you got them at -3 from a "local". Everyone has to believe that and no way to disprove that. Your chances are always better with a couple points here and now.

9. If you lose, it's never your fault, It's the refs fault, the coaches fault, the players fault etc. Never admit a loss is a bad selection. People might actually think you're human and a God of handicapping never admits he's human.

10. Don't keep a record. People actually have something to look at to gague how good or bad you are. Just let people think you're great. If you don't keep a record, tell them you are hitting 69% and you have a spreadsheet somewhere that will show that, if you can ever find it.

10A. If you are having a bad day or streak, come on and tell people you are hitting 75% on your unposted plays. No one will know and you have gotten the reputation you want.


I will be back for further lessons in the future

[rjb1816]

Originally Posted by Gerk

6. Go insult people who are well respected at the Mall. This usually gets people to have an instant dislike to you. As we in the business like to say, Any attention, bad or not, is better than no attention.

[Romanowski]

all true

would beg the question....whos worse?

the wannabe tout, or the masses that follow said poster

[HAMILROCK]

[be47320]

gotta name names imo

[Gobbler's Knob]

Originally Posted by be47320

gotta name names imo

Agree, Gerk clearly has beef with 10 members and he's hiding behind this list..........Let's see some names.

[huscroft6]

I like #8. Too many now post "local" lines that are usually 1-2 pts better than any solid online book.

[be47320]

Originally Posted by huscroft6

I like #8. Too many now post "local" lines that are usually 1-2 pts better than any solid online book.

brotherlove

[huscroft6]

lol

[BigFratDaddy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNc45FTenhg

[Windy City Irish]

Originally Posted by Gerk

3. Bump your thread many times a day to get the view counts up. Everyone knows that the threads with the most views are the best cappers

Common ways to do this are thanking supporters individaully in each post or
coming up with an inane fact to add to your picks validity

Example, KC is wearing their throwback unis today.

keeth

[be47320]

yeah, keith an indivdual thanker/baseball thread bumper for sure

[Windy City Irish]

Originally Posted by Gerk

5. If you miss your ACC GOY one Saturday, come back with a Conference USA GOY the next Saturday. No one will remember that other loss. If that fails, there's another conference around the corner.

chumly?

[upinya83]

my goal to accomplish entire list by christmas

[Windy City Irish]

as for # 9. I just did blame Tulsa players for not holding the ball for the last 30 seconds of a game to get backdoored.

sorry gerk!