Guys...Is this letter cheesy

[Rookie Pix]

Business has been kinda slow ...gonna do a mailer....any input good or bad would be appreciated

Dear Valued Customer,
First, let me say “Thank You” for being a City Auto Customer. I appreciate your business. I would like to tell you about an exciting opportunity for you and your family. Now thru the end of 2007 you can come by and test-drive our late model cars, trucks and suvs and receive a great deal and a $100 gas card with your purchase. If you are not in the market at this time you can pass this letter on to a friend or family member and they can receive this deal and you can receive a $100 gas card for referring them to me. I am excited about the expansion to our facility which would not have been possible without you, our valued customer. Be sure to bring your letter to receive your gas card with your purchase. Call today to set up your appointment!



Thank You,

Richard Hall
Sales and Finance Mgr

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Rookie Pix

Business has been kinda slow ...gonna do a mailer....any input good or bad would be appreciated

Dear Valued Customer,
First, let me say “Thank You” for being a City Auto Customer. We appreciate your business. I would like to tell you about an exciting opportunity for you and your family. Now thru the end of 2007 you can come by and test-drive our late model cars, trucks and SUVs and receive not only a great deal, but in addition, a $100 gas card with your purchase.

If you are not in the market at this time you can pass this letter on to a friend or family member and they can receive this exciting deal, and you will still receive a $100 gas card for referring them to us. I am excited about the expansion to our facility which would not have been possible without you, our valued customers. Be sure to bring this letter to receive your gas card with your purchase. Call today to set up your appointment!



Thank You,

Richard Hall
Sales and Finance Mgr

those are the changes I would make to it.

Good luck.

[darealist2]

you thank them and thank them over again but for what and also is that going to make them choose you over different dealerships who may have a better price?

[Rookie Pix]

Darrel,
These letters are being sent to my customers from 2003-2004 who purchased a vehicle during that time period, but unfortunately we only sell used.It did seem a little wordy to me too. I just signed 250 pieces of letterhead ( I shoulda got a stamp )

[Big Pimpin]

If that's your real name on here then I would delete it

[jaypasco]

im sure his names rich hall lol

[Seanie Mac]

lmao

[Rookie Pix]

Originally Posted by Big Pimpin

If that's your real name on here then I would delete it

didnt know I left my name in there BP...oh well...I'm in the phonebook easy to find.

[Back Country]

In biz communication you want to be short and sweet. Also emphasize the 'you' point of view, in other words what they get out of it. You always want direct openings and never include useless words or corny sh*t that makes it sound impersonal.

******

Dear Valued Customer.

If you come to City Auto Customer’s brand new facility you can test-drive late model cars, trucks and SUVs and receive $100 gas card. You will receive the best service in the _______ (area/city/region/state. Ur call, don’t get carried away) and with a purchase you will receive a $100 gas card.

If you chose you can also refer a friend or family member and you will both receive a $100 gas card.

Thank you for being a City Auto Customer
____ _____ (actual sig, not photo copied it looks impersonal)
Richard Hall
Sales and Finance Manager
________ (phone and email contact)

Be sure to bring this letter with you

******

To be honest these kind of things usually only work if the gas card or whatever you giving them is free. People can get more then $100 discounts buying cars these days even more so at this time of year when the new models are coming in and they have to ditch the old ones.

I stopped and test drove a ford mustang because I was driving bye and they were giving away a free regulation size football with a test drive. Mine was leaking air, so I figured what the hell.

I realize it can get expensive because small numbers can build up real fast, but if you bye sunglasses, cds, hats, sports gear, sports memorabilia or anything in bulk then you offer that to them just for the test drive it can be done affordably and it can also work. Throw in the gas card on top of that if they purchase and/or have one really big prize that’s done by a drawing and a small thing they get just for the test drive.

It just seems to be what you have to do to get people in to your business these days.

Ps. Nice name drop on the family biz. Seriously, Well played

[Back Country]

I forgot the through the end of 07 part.

bol with the business sir

[Rookie Pix]

Thanks Back Country

[Rookie Pix]

Originally Posted by jaypasco

im sure his names rich hall lol

Dear Valued Customer,

First, let me say “Thank You” for being a City Auto Customer. I appreciate your
business. I would like to tell you about an exciting opportunity for you and your
family. Now thru the end of 2007 you can come by and test-drive our late model
cars, trucks and suvs and receive a great deal and a $100 gas card with your
purchase. If you are not in the market at this time you can pass this letter on to a
friend or family member and they can receive this deal and you can receive a
$100 gas card for referring them to me. I am excited about the expansion to our
facility which would not have been possible without you, our valued customer. Be sure to bring your letter to receive your gas card with your purchase. Call today to set up your appointment!



Thank You,




Jay Pasco
Sales and Finance Mgr


better ???

[Back Country]

imo

Id cut out the first 3 sentences completly. Have the 'thank you for being a cac customer as your ending thank you.

you overuse the words 'valued customer', biz letters all sound cheesy in some way but only opening with that is one way to limit it.

*******
Dear Valued Customer,

Now thru the end of 2007 you can come by and test-drive our late model
cars, trucks and suvs and receive a great deal and a $100 gas card with your
purchase. You can also pass this letter on to a friend or family member and they can receive this deal and you can receive a $100 gas card for referring them to us.

I am excited about the expansion of our facility which would not have been possible without you.

Be sure to bring this letter to be eligable to recieve your gas card. (exlamations are usualy bad in biz letter, people like smoothe, relaxed and to the point. Also you never want to make it look like your telling them they will be buying something, gota leave it up to them)

Thank you for being a City Auto customer,
<slogan if you have one>
<closing sig contact and title>

***************

hope that helps

[Back Country]

hey bro, i just saw you left your name up in your first post. May want to drop that, if you have customers/potential customers that google you having your name come up on a gambling forum could be seen as negative bye them.

just thought id throw that in.

[Chicago RED]

Originally Posted by Rookie Pix

Business has been kinda slow ...gonna do a mailer....any input good or bad would be appreciated

Dear Valued Customer,
First, let me say “Thank You” for being a City Auto Customer. I appreciate your business. I would like to tell you about an exciting opportunity for you and your family. Now thru the end of 2007 you can come by and test-drive our late model cars, trucks and suvs and receive a great deal and a $100 gas card with your purchase. If you are not in the market at this time you can pass this letter on to a friend or family member and they can receive this deal and you can receive a $100 gas card for referring them to me. I am excited about the expansion to our facility which would not have been possible without you, our valued customer. Be sure to bring your letter to receive your gas card with your purchase. Call today to set up your appointment!



Thank You,

Richard Hall
Sales and Finance Mgr

The letter is not bad; I used to work at an auto dealer for about 4 years. I would also take the time out to work on the clients that have leased from you by telling them if they turn in the car 3-6 months early you would take it on trade for a new lease or purchase. Many clients that lease do not know they can come in early for a new car. (Just a tip) Also on the slow time it helps if the dealer has a great internet manager/dept.

Also it may not be a bad idea to have all your sales staff create urgency in the sale. Tie a few balloons to cars in the showroom for the weekend, make sure your sales staff tell each client that today is the big balloon sale we do once a year. (Do it every weekend for the slow months) The staff will close more deals by turning shoppers into buyers.

Also if you can talk the qwner into doing a contest for the sales staff like with best buy gift cards or cash, that would help as well. GL