Hilarious story my younger days (X-RATED)

[ILikeToParty]

I posted a few stories on another forum from my earlier days which everyone Ive encountered thought were hilarious. Of course I got blasted and noone there did but whatever, I'll try again, I dont see how anyone cant think this one is funny. Hopefully I havent told it before





So back in my early 20s (Im 33 now) I was in Vegas like 2 weekends/month, usually alone, just partying hard. I used to do the stupidest shit involving drugs, hookers, gambling, etc

So this trip I happened to go up with my mother and sister cuz I think it was my sisters birthday. So my mom wants us to all share a room but Im like "no way" cuz I know I wanna bringa prostitute back to the room later. So we didnt get the same room but we did get rooms right next to each other which I wasnt very excited about.

So anyways I go out with them till like midnite then go solo. Around 4 or 5am I end up bringing this nasty (I aint gonna lie) black hooker back to the room, you know one of the $20 downtown just skanks. I never used to **** these broads, Id just get a blowjob and that was all. So this chick was actually pretty cool, she blew me once and then was like "Ill suck your cawk again for free if I can smoke some of your weed, have a few beers, and chill for like an hour" so Im like sure lets do it.

Well shes hanging out in my room butt fukn naked this whole time. So now its like 530 or 6am and the sun is starting to come up and to be honest the sunrise view from my balcony was amazing that morning. So she rolls out onto my balcony on like the 13 th floor (I think I was at hotel named Royale Casino or Casino Royale, not sure its even there anymore) butt fukn ass naked and is smoking a cigarette on my balcony. I didnt think too much of getting in trouble or causing attention cuz of this broad, I just didnt care

So Im just sitting on the bed watching tv or whatever and I hear her talking to someone on the balcony to the left, the balcony that my mother and sisters room was!!! Im just praying "please let it be my sister, please let it be my sister" becuase my sister just woulda made fun of me we get along great and she knew how I was back then.

So the whore comes back in and I say "who the **** were you talking to out there butt ass naked?"

She : "Just a nice woman next door, I told her Id always wanted to stand on a balcony naked and she just laughed"

Me : "What did she look like? My fukn mom and sister were in the next room!!!"

So she gives me a description but her description coulda been either of them so finally I ask "Was she like 20 or like 40?" just terrified of what her answer was gonna be

Her answer was "Definitely 40"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Now my mom and I get along great and she knew I was outta control but this just was NOT what I wanted to happen, especiallyt it being some trashy nasty whore



I show up at check out time downstairs to leave with them and nothing is said. I so badly wanted to ask or say something but what is there to be said. "Hey mom did you see that whore on my balcony this morning???"



Just so embarrasing and hilarious that this happened, my poor mother goes out to look at the sunrise and sees a black hooker on her sons balcony LOLOLO)LOLOLOLOL



Lets share some hilarious stories from our "young dumb full of cum" days

[be47320]

[ILikeToParty]

Ok how about this one lol

This is just a copy and paste from my thread at another forum. This story is all the ammo anyone needs to rip me for life but its hilarious lololol

So when I was about 21 or so and I lived in an apartment and across the street was this nightclub. So one night me and three of my friends are all shitfaced at my apt and about 1:30am I say "hey lets go stand out in front of the nightclub and wait for chicks to come out when the place closes and see if we can bring something back over here." So naturally they agree and at 2:00 am were standing right out front of the place saying hello to every bitch that walks out. So all of a sudden this skinny little mexican chick comes up and to me and is like "hi , u wanna come to my house?" and Im like "sure lets do it" and we start walking to her car. Mt friends are high-fiving me on the way away sayin "5 minutes dude!! thats all it took you to pull something!!!"

So when we get to her van she asks if I will drive cuz shes shitfaced so I agree and before we even get out of the parking lot she's blowing me, I was like "I am the man dude." So we get back to her place just a few blocks away and go inside and start making out and heading to the bedroom. So shes blowing me again in the bedroom and stops and says "u wanna **** me?" and im like "yeah sure lets party." So Im standing up at the end of the bed putting a rubber on and she takes off her clothes, flops down on her back, and spreads her legs and down flops a dick and a set of balls. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I look away for a moment hoping when I look back everything is going to be fine but nope, a dick and a set of balls.

Im like, "what the **** is that dude, WTF" and he just gives me this look and shrugs his shoulders as to say, "whatta ya mean? u didnt know?" and Im just ****ing dumbfounded. So this "thing" is like 110 lbs and my first reaction is just to start throwing blows but Id put myself in so many dumb situations in those days partying, not like this obviously, but just 2am looking to take ANYTHING home, I just thought to myself "just get the **** outta here." So I say "put your ****ing clothes back on and take me home you mother ****er" and the dude starts to get up. So this room is like really small, so for him to get by to get his clothes I have to get back on the bed. So I lay back down on the bed on my side and Im just staring at the ground just ****ing steaming and I feel his hand on my back. I turn around and as Im turning around he starts to whisper "oh its ok baby" in my ear and I just FREAKED. Tossed the dude off the bed into his mirror and cut his forehead somehow, not badly by any means but there was some blood, and I just took off towards the kitchen where I saw him leave his keys.

I grab his keys and decide I'm gonna drive myself home in his car. As Im backing out the driveway he comes running out demanding for me to get out and let him drive. I absolutely refuse and tell him the only option he has is to get in the passenger seat and he can have the van when I get to my place. So all the way home I am shouting and just cursing this guy, saying shit like "dude youre lucky you got me instead of most other people cuz they woulda ****ed you up" and just everything. So the guy just ****ing breaks down, starts crying, tells me he's actually married (to a chick obv) and that she's on vacation and just spills his guts. So I pull up down the street from my place, cuz I didnt want this **** knowing where my apt was, and I look at him and say, "Dude, if you wanna suck a fukn cawk, got to a gay bar dressed like a ****ing dude, youre gonna get hurt one day pulling this shit" and the dude agrees and I toss the keys to him and get out.

As I'm walking off and feeling the absolute most minute bit better about the situation by feeling I may have prevented this dude from doing this again I hear a "beep beep" from his horn and turn around and what do I see? This ****ing guy basically hanging out the window with a big sarcastic smile on his face waving saying "bye byyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeee" and drives off. It was just the biggest fukn kick in the balls at the end of an already horrific experience.

That was about 12 years ago, at the time I only told one of my buddies about it for the first year or so. Then as time went by I told a few more people for a fun story and now that so much time has passed I think its hilarious. Have fun boys

[be47320]

sounds like you're a real cocksman, a big nasty black hooker and a dude with a van

nice resume

[ILikeToParty]

Used to do some ridiculously crazy and stupid stuff back in my day bud. Just trying to make some people laugh thats all

[revnecro1273]

so your name is one of reminiscence of your younger days?

[BLBisinnocent]

Whyd you leave the part out about seeing the black guy on your moms balcony?

[ILikeToParty]

Ravnelcro : Yes I guess it is lol. Actually I still like to party a lot, I'm just older now and have custody of my 4 year old daughter and just don't get the opportunity as much anymore at all. I haven't done any type of drugs in years but I'd still like to be able to get to Vegas more often and get wild. Not stupid wild like these stories but just let loose a little. The last few yrs of my life have been really stressful so I'm definitely in need of some getaway lol.

BLB - OMFG dude I cracked up when I read that. A++++++ LOLOLOL

[ParrotHead]

Too long, cliff note the stories

[snapdad]

Originally Posted by ILikeToParty

Ok how about this one lol

This is just a copy and paste from my thread at another forum. This story is all the ammo anyone needs to rip me for life but its hilarious lololol

So when I was about 21 or so and I lived in an apartment and across the street was this nightclub. So one night me and three of my friends are all shitfaced at my apt and about 1:30am I say "hey lets go stand out in front of the nightclub and wait for chicks to come out when the place closes and see if we can bring something back over here." So naturally they agree and at 2:00 am were standing right out front of the place saying hello to every bitch that walks out. So all of a sudden this skinny little mexican chick comes up and to me and is like "hi , u wanna come to my house?" and Im like "sure lets do it" and we start walking to her car. Mt friends are high-fiving me on the way away sayin "5 minutes dude!! thats all it took you to pull something!!!"

So when we get to her van she asks if I will drive cuz shes shitfaced so I agree and before we even get out of the parking lot she's blowing me, I was like "I am the man dude." So we get back to her place just a few blocks away and go inside and start making out and heading to the bedroom. So shes blowing me again in the bedroom and stops and says "u wanna **** me?" and im like "yeah sure lets party." So Im standing up at the end of the bed putting a rubber on and she takes off her clothes, flops down on her back, and spreads her legs and down flops a dick and a set of balls. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I look away for a moment hoping when I look back everything is going to be fine but nope, a dick and a set of balls.

Im like, "what the **** is that dude, WTF" and he just gives me this look and shrugs his shoulders as to say, "whatta ya mean? u didnt know?" and Im just ****ing dumbfounded. So this "thing" is like 110 lbs and my first reaction is just to start throwing blows but Id put myself in so many dumb situations in those days partying, not like this obviously, but just 2am looking to take ANYTHING home, I just thought to myself "just get the **** outta here." So I say "put your ****ing clothes back on and take me home you mother ****er" and the dude starts to get up. So this room is like really small, so for him to get by to get his clothes I have to get back on the bed. So I lay back down on the bed on my side and Im just staring at the ground just ****ing steaming and I feel his hand on my back. I turn around and as Im turning around he starts to whisper "oh its ok baby" in my ear and I just FREAKED. Tossed the dude off the bed into his mirror and cut his forehead somehow, not badly by any means but there was some blood, and I just took off towards the kitchen where I saw him leave his keys.

I grab his keys and decide I'm gonna drive myself home in his car. As Im backing out the driveway he comes running out demanding for me to get out and let him drive. I absolutely refuse and tell him the only option he has is to get in the passenger seat and he can have the van when I get to my place. So all the way home I am shouting and just cursing this guy, saying shit like "dude youre lucky you got me instead of most other people cuz they woulda ****ed you up" and just everything. So the guy just ****ing breaks down, starts crying, tells me he's actually married (to a chick obv) and that she's on vacation and just spills his guts. So I pull up down the street from my place, cuz I didnt want this **** knowing where my apt was, and I look at him and say, "Dude, if you wanna suck a fukn cawk, got to a gay bar dressed like a ****ing dude, youre gonna get hurt one day pulling this shit" and the dude agrees and I toss the keys to him and get out.

As I'm walking off and feeling the absolute most minute bit better about the situation by feeling I may have prevented this dude from doing this again I hear a "beep beep" from his horn and turn around and what do I see? This ****ing guy basically hanging out the window with a big sarcastic smile on his face waving saying "bye byyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeee" and drives off. It was just the biggest fukn kick in the balls at the end of an already horrific experience.

That was about 12 years ago, at the time I only told one of my buddies about it for the first year or so. Then as time went by I told a few more people for a fun story and now that so much time has passed I think its hilarious. Have fun boys

[ILikeToParty]

Yes that pic sums it up well lololololol.
I really like this forum so much better than the other one I hang out. You guys are for the most part all cool dude with good senses of humor.
Kudos to the cappersmall crowd from ILIKETOPARTY!!!!!

[walk066]

Originally Posted by ILikeToParty

Yes that pic sums it up well lololololol.
I really like this forum so much better than the other one I hang out. You guys are for the most part all cool dude with good senses of humor.
Kudos to the cappersmall crowd from ILIKETOPARTY!!!!!

Sounds like you want a group hug. You on ecstasy?

[Big Pimpin]

post some pics of your mom and sister please

[cali]

Vegas can lead to some crazy stories. Good stuff.

[bigsportsguy2006]

lol laughed at both stories, funny stuff. glad it was you and not me!!