Homework Help

[PigSkinTerror13]

In my graudate level accounting class, we are studying decision making. As a joke, my professor gave us these "Why DID the chicken cross the road?" celebrity quotes. Please read the quotes and try to come up with a "Why DID the chicken cross the road" quote for a celebrity.

BARACK OBAMA:

The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken corss the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON:

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Thanks guys...

[ConstantColorUpor]

this is a homework assignment? and you need help with this? what school is it that you go to and are they still accepting students for next semester?

[PigSkinTerror13]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Their graduate school is rated top-20 in the nation. This isn't so much a homework assignment as it is extra credit.

Hey, I don't make up the coursework, but I love an accounting course with no numbers and is based on decision making.

[mrwho]

Michael Scott:

Thats the biggest cock that I've ever seen. That's what she said.

[Grizzly Joe]

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road...ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chick en cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

[Grizzly Joe]

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

L.A. Police Department: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.

Scully: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

O.J.: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

[cptkirk321]

Grizz that is one of the best posts I have ever read


But it does scare me that you have that much time on your hands that you could come up with all of that, LOL!!!

[Grizzly Joe]

Originally Posted by cptkirk321

Grizz that is one of the best posts I have ever read


But it does scare me that you have that much time on your hands that you could come up with all of that, LOL!!!

LMAO cpt i just copy pasted from a coupla sites out there... there are tons of "why did the chicken cross the road" sites google it and you'll see

[cptkirk321]

I feel better now Still loved reading it.

[guzzi]

guzzi: fukk ah dukk...

[Kramer]

HOMER SIMPSON
"Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n."

[The Judge]

Originally Posted by guzzi

guzzi: fukk ah dukk...

No shit, Guuz! That has been a given for quite some time now. ....

[Big Pimpin]

Obama.....chicken would have never made across...im black...id eat the shit out of that chicken

[PigSkinTerror13]

Originally Posted by Big Pimpin

Obama.....chicken would have never made across...im black...id eat the shit out of that chicken

Good one...

[PigSkinTerror13]

Are any of these original? I can't turn in one that is on the internet.

Thanks guys.