I’m sorry, Officer

[The Judge]

By: Mike Polk

No officer, I’m not certain exactly how fast I was going. Yes, I know that the speed limit is 35 through here. No I don’t think that I’m “Jeff Gordon” sir. I really just wasn’t paying very close attention to my speed, and for that, I apologize. And if I may sir, I’d also like to take this opportunity to say that I’m sorry for whatever happened to you as a child that caused you to become such a colossal prick cop.

Now please, don’t get upset sir. Let me explain.

Kids can be cruel. Adolescence is such an awkward and formative period in our lives. And the physical and/or mental abuse that you obviously sustained during that time has evidently had dramatic effects on your self-esteem, character and self-image. This has rendered you little more than an insecure, vindictive douchebag on a power trip. And that’s totally understandable!

What’s that sir? “That’s enough?” You’re darn right “That’s enough” officer! For too long we adults have ignored the major issue that is bullying and the long lasting psychological effects that it is capable of causing our children!

Case in point, let’s just take a look at you sir. As you’re extremely overweight now, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you were also a fat child. Normal kids probably picked on you mercilessly and called you names like “Lard-ass” and “Sir Porksalot”. And that’s not right. And on behalf of attractive, slender people everywhere, I just want to say that we’re sorry.

What was that sir? I’m “Out of line”? Yes sir, I am “Out of line”! The whole damned system is out of line! I give partial blame to the school systems for not addressing your apparent “special needs”. Of course you were going to get picked on for being slower than the other kids! Just listen to yourself! You can barely string a proper sentence together.

But that’s nothing that could not have been worked out in a friendly environment filled with your mental peers. Think how grand it would have been for you to spend the whole school day in a special classroom with your intellectual equals making things with elbow macaroni and clay. Now that would have been a nurturing environment! Instead you had to endure constant insults from your cruel, mentally proficient school mates merely because you’re borderline retarded.

“Get out of the car?” Yes, I will indeed “Get out of the car” sir. Because I know one police officer that has an apology hug coming his way on behalf of smart, good looking people with normal sized penises everywhere.

Oh now, there’s no need to deny it sir. Your face says it all. It’s quite apparent that one too many women have outright laughed at the sight of what is certainly your childlike genitalia. What other reason could you possibly have for being such an enormous Handjob of a man?

Yes, I will put my hands behind my back. That is no problem whatsoever. But while I do, let me just sum up what we’ve established here today:

You’re a moronic, fat, needle-dicked bastard, who likes to intimidate people to make himself feel better about his own pathetic existence. And, as you were too stupid, unlikable and untalented to obtain authority and respect by earning it, you went to cop school for two months and now torment better people than yourself all day out of spite for fun. Is that about right?

I’m going to take that nightstick to my throat as a “Yes”. Okay great, I think we’ve made some real progress here today. I appreciate your candor.

Oh look, some more police cars are pulling up. And it appears that these fellows all have nightsticks as well. I suppose I owe each of them an apology too. Let the healing begin!

[Big Pimpin]

point?

[The Judge]

Originally Posted by Big Pimpin

point?

I know one police officer that has an apology hug coming his way on behalf of smart, good looking people with normal sized penises everywhere.

This was not necessarily directed at you, BP but hey, if the shoe fits . . . . .

[Big Pimpin]

Doesn't even come close to me Judger. Was just curious.


Get a ticket or something?

[The Judge]

Originally Posted by Big Pimpin

Get a ticket or something?

Yeah and I spent six freaking hours at a bullshit defensive driving class yesterday.

[Big Pimpin]

Originally Posted by The Judge

Yeah and I spent six freaking hours at a bullshit defensive driving class yesterday.

Now that is funny stuff there.


Judger please slow down and be carefull on the road next time. Speed kills sir

[The Judge]

First ticket in 12 years. I have been having trouble keeping it at 65 since I picked up my Charger three months ago.

[Brother Love]

no offense judge you probably deserved to be at that defensive driving class. not trying to ruffle your feathers bro, but i hope you took what they were telling you to heart cuz it could save your life. sometimes the help we get is not the type that we want but it is still good help..
right now its time for the national click it or ticket campaign, also driving under the influence seems to be going up again. on a brighter side a big kudos goes to the teenage drivers since mandatory drivers ed & grad lic program has been going on nationally, the teens have really improved their statistics which is good to hear. the worst is the drivers age 20-29, they are listed as the most dangerous age group with a high % of them caught for dui, speeding, and wreckless driving.
problem is ppl dont realize how many ppl get killed in vehicle accidents ea yr. add up all the killings that occur in the US aside from vehicle fatalities and you will see death by mva is the higher number.
GL to you sir & drive safely..

[The Judge]

Originally Posted by Brother Love

no offense judge you probably deserved to be at that defensive driving class.

Did you not see where I posted that this was my first ticket in 12 years? Thanks for your concern but I am an extremely safe driver.

[Brother Love]

yes i did, but i also seen where you said that it was a bullshit defensive driving course and thats a reflection of your atitude.
we all make mistakes and i commend you for being safe driver for the most part but we are human and one of our species biggest downfalls is we tend to take things for granted especially when it becomes common practice.
Look at it this way, if anything you will make the area around your car a lil more controlled and will also serve as an example to others to drive right. the saying in baseball goes "hitting is contagious", well the same can be said in safe driving.

[Big Pimpin]

Originally Posted by The Judge

First ticket in 12 years. I have been having trouble keeping it at 65 since I picked up my Charger three months ago.

damn,thats harsh for first ticket in 12 years....how fast? just a speeding ticket?

[TCD619]

thats a sweet looking car

[The Judge]

Originally Posted by Brother Love

yes i did, but i also seen where you said that it was a bullshit defensive driving course and thats a reflection of your atitude.

I called it a bullshit course because that is exactly what it was. A complete waste of my time and I learned virtually nothing. I'm curious what your attitude would have been after spending six hours in a room with a clueless instructor.

Originally Posted by Big Pimpin

damn,thats harsh for first ticket in 12 years....how fast? just a speeding ticket?

Speeding ticket only; 76 in a 65.

[slipperypete]

Originally Posted by The Judge

I called it a bullshit course because that is exactly what it was. A complete waste of my time and I learned virtually nothing. I'm curious what your attitude would have been after spending six hours in a room with a clueless instructor.Speeding ticket only; 76 in a 65.

lol a ticket for a 76 in a 65! lol ticket for 11mph over...which ends up being about 18km/hr over... which you would get a ticket for here in canada, but not traffic school lol.... tickets are only written here for 15+km/hr over (only measurable and insurance raising tickets)...they can write small fines for 10-14 over but no points .... and no gay school....

happy to say - never had a ticket driving for just 1.5 years lol! and I don't speed - my dad works with insurance and theft recovery vehicles- and a lot of cars from accidents come in as write offs - man some guys are stupid....once guy came back into my dads work to get the groceries outta hid BMW after he smacked a pole....engine was in the passengers seat.....they couldn't figure out why the car stunk, he had fresh fish in the trunk with the other groceries - they never opened it for some reason lol..

[Big Pimpin]

Originally Posted by The Judge

Speeding ticket only; 76 in a 65.

Texas must be tough..that's unheard of here..the classes that is


FYI....anything over 10+ gets you pulled over most of the time unless it's after 11pm where I live then it 2mph over the the limit.

yes..37 in a 35 will get here.


DWI heaven for these guys