JJ Redick Was Denied a Cavity Search By Police

[The Judge]

Former Duke guard J.J. Redick expressed disappointment today over his arrest for DWI early Tuesday morning, but said his biggest regret was that the officers who arrested him declined his request to probe his rectal cavity.

“I knew I had screwed up and was going to get busted, especially because my car had empty wine cooler bottles all over the place,” said Redick, “so I wanted to be as cooperative as possible. I wanted those big, muscular, uniformed officers to know they could do whatever they wanted with me. I was theirs for the taking, no matter if my arrest took all night long. I wouldn’t fight back. I would take it.”

According to the police report filed by the Durham Police arresting office: “Mr. Redick had very glassy eyes, and a strong odor of alcohol coming from his breath. He was also adamant that we do a full body cavity search of his person, especially his rectum, insisting we couldn’t be sure there was nothing inside him if we didn’t check. He asked me three times to stick my flashlight or nightstick inside him, even going so far as to grab my hand and try to place it on his crotch region. After I told Mr. Redick that we had no desire to probe him, he began crying uncontrollably.”

Other details from the police report include: “Mr. Redick agreed to blow into a breathalyzer device, but insisted he could blow much better if I placed the device on my lap. I declined,” and: “Mr. Redick asked me to take out my weapon. When I declined, he smiled and said: ‘No, not that weapon. Your love weapon.’”

Redick confirmed everything in the police report today, and added several details that were not included.

“After I was pulled over they took me out of the car and told me to try to touch my nose, which I did,” said Redick. “Then I showed them that I could bend over and grab my ankles, too. Unfortunately, they were not as impressed by that as I had hoped they would be. ”

The former Duke star also said he tried to break the ice with the officers by telling him he had his own policeman’s uniform in his trunk.

“I have a policeman’s uniform, a cowboy’s outfit, a construction worker’s outfit and an Indian chief outfit,” said Redick. “In fact, I was wearing my Indian chief outfit that night at a bar. I had to change before I left, though, because it got semen all over it and I didn’t want to stain the seats of my Pontiac Sunfire.”

[BurnTheEvidence]

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[jonnyblaze]

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[PigSkinTerror13]

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