Lawrence Phillips

[Ron Mexico]

"The Lawrence Phillips Timeline"

This loser makes Maurice Clarett look like Maureen Stapleton. Pull up
a chair...

June 1995: Phillips is charged with trespassing and assault for an
attack on his live-in girlfriend. He reportedly threatened to shoot her "in
the kneecaps and elbows" so the University of Nebraska provided her
with 24-hour protection.

August 1995: Time for football. Phillips is at the top of all Heisman
watch lists. He kicks off the season by scaling the north wall of her
apartment building, jumps onto the balcony, and runs right through her
screen door. He allegedly drags her down 3 flights of stairs by the
hair. Phillips pleads no contest and gets one year's probation. Tom Osborne
eventually wimps out and reinstates him to play football.

April 1996: The Rams take Phillips with the (gulp) 6th overall pick in
the NFL draft. In their defense, his contract is a unique
pay-as-you-play deal: $5.8 million but no money up front. It's sort of a precursor
to Pacman Jones' deal with the Titans (also a 6th pick incidentally)
with all the behavior clauses. Over a 19-month stint Phillips gets
arrested 3 more times.

June 1996: While on probation he gets busted for DUI in California.
Reports indicate police find a lead pipe under his seat. What is this,
Clue?

September 1996: A lawsuit is filed by Kate McEwen, the girl who got
dragged by her hair, accusing Phillips of beating, threatening, assaulting
and terrorizing (what else is left at that point?) her during their
2-year relationship.

September 1996: John Miller takes Phillips in the 2nd round of his
fantasy league draft, pairing the ex-Cornhusker up with 1st-round pick
Barry Sanders. It's the mid-90's version of the Stud RB theory. Miller's
buddy, Kenny, leans in close and (burp) whispers, "Hey man, you gotta
(hiccup) helluva one-two punch. Could'ya pass me the Street Smith's
mag... is it Greg or Craig Heyward?"

September 1996: Phillips scores 2 TDs in his first career start. No
one, including Miller, really notices that he carried 21 times for only
46 yards. Or that it was against the Bengals, who were 21-59 over the
previous 5 seasons. Besides, Barry Sanders piled up 191 total yards on
Minnesota, so it looks like a lethal fantasy duo...

October 1996: After 5 games Phillips has 59 carries for 136 yards.
That's a felonious 2.3 per carry, and he still has the same 2 scores from
the opener. "He's just adjusting to the speed at the pro level,"
moans Miller to his giggling pals. "The schedule gets easier."

December 1996: Phillips pleads no contest to the DUI from June, gets
probation for three years, 80 hours of community service, and is ordered
to pay back John Miller's $50 fantasy league entry fee. He'll
eventually default on all three court orders.

February 1997: Phillips is arrested at a $25-a-night hotel in Omaha on
charges of disorderly conduct. A "party" got out of hand at 2:15 am
and Phillips reportedly refuses to come out of the bathroom when police
arrived.

February 1997: Lisa Bateman and Arthur Stallworth file lawsuits
accusing Phillips of assaulting them. They were at this hotel party: Bateman
accuses Phillips of groping her, and Stallworth, her boyfriend, accuses
Phillips of beating him.

March 1997: Phillips is sentenced to 30 days in jail for violating
probation. He is the 3rd Nebraska player from the 1994 national
championship team to spend time behind bars, along with Tyrone Williams and
Christian Peter.

October 1997: Phillips is charged with battery after a woman accuses
him of beating her. She reportedly refused to dance with him so he
smacked her and yelled, "I'll break your jawbone and pull the weave out of
your head." The victim allegedly sustained a chipped tooth, cut lip and
also temporarily blacked out. Luckily she wasn't hurt any worse.
Phillips pleads no contest.

December 1997: The Rams release him. It's the only press conference in
Dick Vermeil's career when he *didn't* cry. But get this: The Miami
Dolphins sign him 2 days later. Yes, this miscreant is going to South
Beach!

"A1A... Beachfront Avenue... Rollin' in my 5.0, got the top pulled down
so my hair can blow... Ice, ice, baby..."

January 1998: Phillips gains 44 yards on 18 carries in two December
games with Miami. At least he can tell his parole officer he once took a
handoff from Dan Marino.

March 1998: A young woman named Rebecca Harvey files a civil suit
against him claiming that she was attacked at that same hotel party (a nasty
little soiree, indeed) a year earlier in Nebraska. The suit alleges
that Phillips has shown "a continuous and outrageous pattern of
gender-motivated violence." Ya think? Phillips pleads no contest yet again,
literally asking to be jailed. His lawyers are obviously Sooner fans.

July 1998: Miami releases Phillips just 4 days into training camp
amidst allegations from a young woman that Phillips hit her at a nightclub
on June 27. Dolphins HC Jimmy Johnson explains the move to reporters: "I
have to make room for Cecil Collins. We can only budget so much in bail
money."

June 1999: Phillips was out of football in 1998. But he lands with the
Barcelona Dragons (Hay Caramba!) in the spring of '99 and sets NFL
Europe records. Over 1,000 yards in 8 games? No valid reports of any
crimes or malfeasance across the pond. Must be the red wine, they say it
calms the nerves.

July 1999: His agent somehow gets him a tryout with the San Francisco
49ers. They sign him. Why not? O.J. Simpson closed out his career
there too.

September 1999: Phillips busts off 102 yards on 9 carries against
Arizona in the 3rd week. John Miller hits the fantasy wire post-haste.
"He's unclaimed!" It's a no-brainer. Terry Kirby can't find the end zone
to save his life, and Donnell Bennett just signed with Kenny's team.
Miller is happily reunited with his 1996 2nd-round pick. It's fate.
"Championship," he crows out loud to himself.

November 1999: Phillips posts 32 yards & 0 TDs over the next 3 games
after John picked him up. He's released by Miller - and the 49ers - on
the same day.

March 2000: Phillips is arrested in Beverly Hills. What's he doing
there, applying for Kato Kaelin's job? Authorities respond to a domestic
violence call at a party. His injured girlfriend is treated at the scene.
The good news is that she escapes with just a few bruises. The bad news
is Phillips requires 4 officers to get him in the back seat of the
patrol car.

January 2001: Phillips signs with the XFL's Las Vegas (ahem) Outlaws.
Remember the XFL, the stupid idea from WWF guy Vince McMahon? Phillips
inks for a base salary of $4,500. The players are promised additional
monies -- reportedly up to $200,000 per game -- when their team wins.
Phillips' XFL career details are murky but he was just happy to get high
with Todd Marinovich.

March 2001: Phillip signs with the Arena League's Florida Bobcats. He
disappeared and never got one paycheck. The worst part? John Miller
tries to start an Arena fantasy league with his buddies. No one's
interested. Apparently Law-Phil wasn't either.

June 2002: Phillips gets arrested in Montreal (C'mon, you knew the CFL
would be calling) after sexually assaulting his girlfriend. He also
failed to appear at the hearing. It's too bad because on the field
Phillips helped lead the Alouettes to the Grey Cup. No lie.

July 2003: Phillips, released by the Alouettes, picks up with the
Calgary Stampeders. He's quickly arrested for carrying a loaded handgun -
"wrapped in tin foil like a hoagie" - in his pickup truck. He's released
by Calgary for calling head coach Jim Barker something that can't be
repeated here.

August 2004: Phillips stumbles into a Las Vegas pawnshop - "Steve's Buy
& Sell" - at 9:00 in the morning and sells one of his Big Eight
championship rings for $20. "He said he was stuck in Las Vegas," said Steve
Gibson, the owner. "He said, `I need to get out of town.'" Gibson then
went home and eBay-ed the ring for $1,700. Atta boy, Gibby!

July 2005: Phillips is sought by police for allegedly attacking his
girlfriend and choking her into unconsciousness. It's amazing to think he
just walks the streets at night.

August 2005: Phillips, now 30 years old, is arrested in Los Angeles
after allegedly hitting a group of teenagers with his car. He reportedly
got in an argument during a pickup football game over his missing gym
bag. God knows what was in that thing - an iPod, some pills, maybe a
human hand? - but whatever the case Phillips totally panics. He screams at
the kids and accuses them of stealing it. "The kids said they didn't
know where his belongings were," a witness said. Phillips is not
satisfied so he hops in his black Honda (which turned out to be stolen) and
drives onto the field to mow them down. Three boys are treated at a
hospital but all were OK thankfully. Phillips is arrested and held on the
domestic-violence felony warrant from the above July incident.

March 2006: The Associated Press reports Phillips will stand trial in
October 2006 on felony assault charges stemming from the car incident.

October 11, 2006: The AP reports Phillips was convicted Tuesday, Oct.
10, on 7 counts of assault with a deadly weapon for hitting the boys
with the car. He faces up to 20 years in state prison. His sentencing
date is next Thursday.

[Big Pimpin]

LMAO...what a loser

[Will]

this guy is such a fuk up

[PigSkinTerror13]

gotta love him

if he didn't play ball, he'd be a lifer years ago