The Machines Own Us--A Look Back At The Past Decade

[Keith]

Part 1: The Machines Own Us:

For every good use of the technology that now controls every aspect of our lives, there's thousands of ways it is destroying us.


1. F*ck off, cell phones. Sure, sure, in case of an emergency, blah, blah, blah. And if you are waiting on an emergency phone call, don't go to the f*cking movies. You are not important enough to need to get your phone calls immediately. Here's how you know if you're important enough: Are you a doctor? Are you the President? If you answered "no" to both of those questions, you are not so important. Mostly, though, cell phones guarantee that you never have to communicate with someone you don't know. As connected as you think you are, it is actually isolating, alienating, and limiting.


2. F*ck off, texting and instant messaging. Congratulations. You're a product of a shitty education system that failed to make you understand how to put together a rational sentence or even use a comma, and now you're going to completely abandon all pretext of being able to spell, punctuate, or have a thought that can't be expressed in a series of random letters. ROFLMAO, motherf*ckers. It's the destruction of language as we know it.


3. F*ck off, iPods (and their ilk). To ride on public transportation or walk city streets is to venture among soulless beings who stare at nothing with dead eyes as they listen to an unending stream of music on something that is soon going to be small enough to just be injected under your skin. One day, when the disconnect of the population is complete, we will pinpoint the invention of the iPod as the moment that we killed public engagement with the cudgel of constant entertainment.


4. F*ck off, Twitter and Facebook. Hey, who needs the government setting up all kinds of surveillance when so many people are willing to announce where the f*ck they are and what they f*ck they're doing at any given moment. Twitter, Facebook, and, to a lesser extent, MySpace have created a world of exhibitionists who are willing to let strangers look at pictures of their children and where people attempt to be profound in less words than it takes to order a meal at McDonald's. They've created the illusion of "friendship" where none actually exists, thus devaluing what real friendship is. If a click is all it takes to "defriend" people, they weren't friends. It led to this moment for the Rude Pundit: "Oh, really, person I haven't seen since third grade, your cat brought you a dead mouse and gave it to you as a gift? How fascinating." He wanted to write, "F*ck you and your cat. May the zombie mouse eat your brains" and then he realized how pathetic it was to even be tempted to comment on a status update about a goddamn cat owned by a virtual version of someone he hadn't seen in 25 years. And then he just felt sad.


5. F*ck off, internet porn. It mainstreamed porn and somehow made it more degrading than it actually was. It wrecked relationships and jobs. And it f*cked up porn. Like overused CGI in films, you can see anything you want. If anyone with a webcam can film two legless Russian women f*cking each other with their wooden legs while getting shit on by a donkey that's getting blown by an albino tranny, well...wait, what are we talking about?


Yes, yes, we are ever-evolving creatures, and technology transforms us. This past decade, as isolated as television made us once, the promise of technology has amped that up and simply made us selfish, self-involved pricks who demand immediate responses. It's affected us in profound ways, the full extent of which are only becoming clearer as it becomes ubiquitous in every aspect of our daily lives.

[FalconFreak]

Here here!!!!!

[Lukester]

Keith, remember in grade school 7-8 when they tried to start a panick that machines will take our jobs eventually? Well, yes they have but what they didn't say is it will create more specialized employment than ever before. So yes, this guy is much worse. A miserable p is all i can say.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Lukester

Keith, remember in grade school 7-8

I think you're much younger than I am Luke. When I was in 7th grade it was 1977. The only "machine" I was concerned with was the Six Million Dollar Man as he battled with Bigfoot

[PHILLYBIRDS20]

Dont agree with the porn sentiment

[Keith]

Originally Posted by PHILLYBIRDS20

Dont agree with the porn sentiment

true. More porn can never be a bad thing

But the rest of it was spot on.

[PHILLYBIRDS20]

I like legless russians

[Keith]

Originally Posted by PHILLYBIRDS20

I like legless russians

inspired by The Sopranos no doubt.

[Lukester]

Originally Posted by Keith

I think you're much younger than I am Luke. When I was in 7th grade it was 1977.

Much? I'm 48! Only diff is I never had kids so I never matured.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Lukester

Much? I'm 48! Only diff is I never had kids so I never matured.

wow--I was way off on that. Could've sworn I saw a pic in the Who Are You thread and you looked 25.

Certainly you remember our boy Col. Steve Austin (and Oscar Goldman). Yes ?

[cuse_man]

Originally Posted by JagsFan

Part 1: The Machines Own Us:

For every good use of the technology that now controls every aspect of our lives, there's thousands of ways it is destroying us.


6. F*ck off, Peyton Manning. If hes not a machine i dont know what he is. It would depend on your definition of a machine I suppose. Machine as in meaning the smartest most intelligent thing to ever touch a football ? Name a player that reads defenses and changes plays better than Peyton Manning and executes them as well. Throws with such precision... Laser rocket ? Yes he will go on to change football as we know it and soon we might as well call it the National Robot League

^^

[Lukester]

Originally Posted by Keith

wow--I was way off on that. Could've sworn I saw a pic in the Who Are You thread and you looked 25.

Certainly you remember our boy Col. Steve Austin (and Oscar Goldman). Yes ?

I was about 45 on those pics (about 3 years ago)...add aother 20lbs since and 5 more on top of that during this holiday season. But 25? lol. Thanx...but I did stay away from liquor and drugs when growing up., a few beers here and there doesn't count., so yes, I did kinda "preserve" myself.

But funny you say that cuz most people that meet me for the first time say "it's because I have no kids behind that smile. Kids stress the life out of people". ood guess on their part...mostle East Euros tell me this.

Yes I remember The Million $ Man in the evenings but my all-time favs were Get Smart, Batman, and Land of the Giants right after school. Hard to say which one is Tops of those three for me.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Lukester

I was about 45 on those pics (about 3 years ago)...add aother 20lbs since and 5 more on top of that during this holiday season. But 25? lol. Thanx...but I did stay away from liquor and drugs when growing up., a few beers here and there doesn't count., so yes, I did kinda "preserve" myself.

But funny you say that cuz most people that meet me for the first time say "it's because I have no kids behind that smile. Kids stress the life out of people". ood guess on their part...mostle East Euros tell me this.

Yes I remember The Million $ Man in the evenings but my all-time favs were Get Smart, Batman, and Land of the Giants right after school. Hard to say which one is Tops of those three for me.

Loved Get Smart.

"Missed it by that much !"

Be well Luke.