Nightmare at Cappers Mall – based on a true story

[Dr. Jack]

Nightmare at Cappers Mall – based on a true story

You ever watch one of the sitcoms where the character wishes he was in another family or even dead and then they show it as if they were and they realize they want it back the way it was. Well that happened to me.

I was off away from CM and going to sleep I was hoping that people I liked would just get a grip. Well I fell asleep and it was a strange nightmare.

The day started off like this.

CM was like a school and I came in to the front door and there were two very nice, polite greeters at the door. These people were hear for one reason only – just to make sure people who walked in the door felt comfortable and enjoyed their time. These 2 names were BigPimpin and Seanie Mac. They were so polite it was kind of scary.

They then took me to the first room which happened to be the English class. Now there were 4 teachers teaching this class. A great punch of guys. I think there names were rmaciasl, vegasbet, guzzi and secret stash.

I was so impressed. They were really going out of their way to teach good English and they were working one on one with a very shy person they called jaypasco. See they needed to help him come out of his shell. He was really shy and had a hard time expressing what was on his mind. There was a bully in the back that kept picking on him. They called him Drewshow and he was very mean and showed no voice of reason whatsoever and was really picking on this Pasco fellow. Thank goodness they had this guy named pwherr who was sticking up for jaypasco and letting him know he had his back.

We then ventured in to the political classroom. The teacher was a very kind and gentle person who also happened to be a big democrat. He was explaining why he did not like George Bush and how Bush was probably behind 9/11. He explained things in a very calm and mature way and even though he hated Bush and republicans in general – he was just very loveable and you had to appreciate it. I didn’t catch his exact name but it was something like jimmer or jimmykkk or something. There was a trouble maker though. It was this fellow named DannyRay. Danny was studying to be an abortion doctor and had a big note attached to his back about how he did not believe in god and was preaching about Pro Choice and how the Supreme Court was getting all messed up. Luckily there was a fellow named DogPicks and another named Ghandi who at least defended Bush and the republican government.

It was about to be lunch time and they invited me out to the playground outside where there was a duo challenging all balers to a game of hoops. There names were Michael Jordan and Blackbear Pimper or something. I quickly learned that these guys could ball with anyone and I better go inside and challenge someone I could compete with. The problem was the guys were arguing about the score of the game. It seems the opposition was arguing that Pimper and Jordan kept saying they had 8 points when they only had 4. Good thing the referee was there to put an end to it. It was a fellow named PittViper or as some would call him “the truth”. He explained to the Pimp/Jordan team that if they wanted to play they had to keep score correct and he would have no dishonesty when it comes to scorekeeping. He was very adamant about this.

After the playground I had a choice to go to one of two classes. There was the bingo hall game. This was a high stakes bingo game. It was basically a few dozen senior citizens fighting it out with some guy named Trosser running the show. They called him the bingo king. The other class was a good sportsmanship class. It was run by a big Cleveland Browns fan named myker or something. I am not sure what was going on here but Myker just kept screaming about the Super Bowl being fixed and how the Steelers were not the real champions. The good thing is there was a very level headed guy named GoTerps who explained in a very nice and gentle way, that there is no such thing as fixes and really smoothed things over. You can tell this terpsy fellow had a way of debating without upsetting anyone. It was so nice and comforting.

So we were off to the computer class. This was interesting. First the class was called my space or something and it was really weird. The entire class had the same face. Everyone looked like the next guy; it was scary to say the least. Then the biggest Steeler fan in the world came in pumping his chest and explained he was putting an end to everyone looking a like. This fellow they called Domafia was just not going to put up with it anymore. He was very dry and lacked a sense of humor to tell you the truth. He just kept yelling Steelers rule. One thing I did notice is there were 2 students in the back studying and studying. They must have studied a minimum of 6 hrs each before they picked any answer to any of the questions. These two (we’ll call them shark and tds for pretend) really felt that they needed to put a lot of time in every single answer and they did not understand why someone would just pick an answer in a few minutes without putting the proper amount of time in to it.

Next up was chorus class. The chorus teacher was this big, big man named HoosierCat. Rumor had it he was so big because he used the clear and the cream but he kept saying, it’s just supplements. The thing is he was rapping to the students and he was slamming them and being very rude. Something about him being the King, this is over, he’s the master and on and on. He just kept yelling; bring it on bitches or something like that. I was kind of scared and had to leave right away. They were bragging about this class called DARE. I guess it was something about drugs being bad and there were a few fellas running the show and preaching how weed was just a starting point for harder drugs and they were very upset about people who chose to smoke pot. The leader’s names were Jahred, Quaker and FTW. They were known as the weed beaters. The weird thing is one of them, FTW – kept changing his mind. He would say how he used to do drugs and that he was clean for like 6 months but then the next day for some reason he would scratch it out and start it all over from day one. The students that frustrated these teachers’ names were DaveNz, upinya and grand gouda. They were very stuck in their beliefs that drugs will not hurt anyone and they just weren’t very healthy conscious people.

Finally it was lunch time. There were a few chefs. There was a guy named Odds who was a fisherman. He was known for catching these sharks, cutting the fins off, throwing the sharks back in the ocean so he could serve the students some Shark Fin soup. There were some protesters though. This one man named Toronto Mike just would have none of it. He could not imagine that they were serving shark fin soup and really just could not let it go. But every time there was a debate or confrontation there was some guy named Skippy, who just kept yelling “back to topic”. It seemed he got very annoyed when someone would twist a topic and it would turn in to 5 topics. He believed in the importance of keeping on task. He had some problems too though. Rumor had it there was a stalker that followed him wherever he went. Some called this stalker Tania, some called her the Tiger. Skippy was scared though and I am not sure he would have made it though the day if it were not for this person named Rome. I didn’t really understand what was going on, I just know every time Skipper would say something, this Rome fellow would chime in and add “sharp comment”. He made skipper feel much better which was important.

The one thing I did not like about this school was the obvious peer pressure going on. There was a guy some called him judger. He was running around blowing cigarette smoke in everyone’s face. He wanted everyone to be a smoker and was quite serious about this. It was time to go to the class of advanced people. The professor names were BigWill. He had a reputation of preparing hard for school and was clearly a very smart man. The class people were a bit out of control. I am not sure exactly what was going on but many people were just yelling things. Some guy named Keith just kept yelling but “It don’t make sense”. There was a man; some believe him to be a racist. His name was Johnny, some called him blaze – he really had an infatuation with homosexuals. Not that anything is wrong with that but some were curious. There were several bullies who showed little support to the other people. There was a female called the Ballcrusher. I am not sure where that nickname came from but I was scared and wore a cup. There was Buffy the Vampire slayer who was a fan favorite who the word is could kick anyone’s ass. Some dude named cman was always yelling Hale to Alabama and something about SWDE. I think it stood for “screw the war damn eagle”. There was a room for just Yankee haters. It was led by a guy named Yankee23 and we were not sure what his problem was but he clearly hated the Yankees while GatorMike fought people who spoke up against the Yankees. It got ugly at times. There were several Packer fans here and they were a couple of rude guys. One was called the gerkster and one called Deck who always yelled, “Just stay classy” or something. These two always clashed with the big Vikings fan named Pigskin. He was famous for meeting people in the dark alley out back. Luckily the chinaman had his back so things didn’t get to out of hand.

There was one room that was really scary. It was a group of people (lots of them). This was not your usual gang like the blood or the crips. They called these people the proline gang. These people were scary but very rarely ever came out of their room. They just stayed in this ProLine room and kind of kept to themselves and talked Nascar.

There was so much more but for some reason my memory was kind of blocked. I finally had awoken out of this nightmare with some doctors standing over me, telling me that I was knocked unconscious while building a deck for some unfortunate people on the show home makeover. I was relieved that I was back to reality and everything was A-okay. So I may have forgotten some of my nightmare but I assure you – you were all there!!! It’s good to be back to normal.

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Okay I will admit – I was bored when I started this and then was tired of it and hurried the ending.

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The above documentary does not reflect the opinions of Cappers Mall, it’s moderators, sponsors or it’s members. It should not be viewed as offensive and should only be viewed as a pathetic shot at comedy.

[domafia]

Jack I'm not sure your break was long enough. If you need another week or two to collect yourself and come back normal, please do! LMAO at this thread and the 200 goofball replies that are sure to follow.

[Keith]

Jack--you might be better off dreaming about hot women and stuff like that.

[jaypasco]

Originally Posted by Keith

Jack--you might be better off dreaming about hot women and stuff like that.

lol

[Jimmy K]

that was hilarious

[Hoosiercatdaddy]

at least the "Bingo King" got a mention LMAO

[Romanowski]

Originally Posted by Dr. Jack

I didn’t catch his exact name but it was something like jimmer or jimmykkk or something. .

lool

[TigerCat_Tania]

I do not stalk Skippy!!!

[Gerk]

I am disappointed there was no character named "Gerk" in your school, but I'm sure he might have been the principal or custodian

No variation of Gerk would ever support a Packers team in a dream or reality

[Trossi3389]

Lmao !!

[dhunter]

Originally Posted by TigerCat_Tania

I do not stalk Skippy!!!

lol, everything in the story is all the opposites

[dhunter]

classic story jack

[The Judge]

Originally Posted by domafia

Jack I'm not sure your break was long enough. If you need another week or two to collect yourself and come back normal, please do!

I wholeheartedly concur.

[Dr. Jack]

Originally Posted by domafia

Jack I'm not sure your break was long enough. If you need another week or two to collect yourself and come back normal, please do! LMAO at this thread and the 200 goofball replies that are sure to follow.

This is what it has come down to for me Dom. I think I would need a month or two. lol

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Dr. Jack

This is what it has come down to for me Dom. I think I would need a month or two. lol

but that would give you the time you need to fix your deck (before the next season of hurricanes blows it down again).