Super Bowl Party?

Lukester · #1 02-01-2010, 10:00 PM

Got a free Chill mag at the beer store...

First & 10 Super Bowl Party Plays:
---------------------------------

1-WHICH PARTY TO ATTEND: Work friends? School buddies? Relatives? It all comes down to this: "Who's got the best track record? (Hint: probably notUncle Dave and his 20-inch Zenith.

2-THROW DOWN THE LINGO: Be unique--"Those yard lines aren't going to paint themselves, Manning." And don't bother talking about the '72 Dolphins. Even your sister's naturopath knows about them.

3-PREGAME PLANNING: Here's my Lock-of-the-Week: book Monday off work. Requesting a vacation day months in advance is much easier than calling in sick.

4-RUN THE REVERSE: If you failed to gain any yardage on the vacation day, the sick call must be an Academy Award-winning performance. Cotton balls stuffed in cheek, clothes pin clamping the nostrils shut...

5-HOME OR AWAY?: There are good reasons to hit a bar on Super Bowl Sunday--like having no friends, but it's generally better to set up shop in your richest friend's HD testostobunker.

6-TV: The cornerstone of a Super Bowl party is superior A/V. Everything else is secondary. You're going o want a large screen--1080p--with stereo sound and a genital-rocking subwoofer.

7-FOOD AND DRINK: Beer. Pretzels. Chips. Pick any three.

8-CONCESSION STAND: Feel free to get carried away, belly-bump that rotund guy blocking out the snack table, high-five and butt slap after every tackle.

9-FACE-PAINTERS: As far as I'm concerned, knock yourself out. If you believe your impression of a Maori warrior at a Twisted Sister concert will rally your team to victory, then go for it.

10-TOUCHDOWN: And finally...Plumber's Crack. Can we finally call 15-yards for unnecessary roughness on this? To start with, no self respecting man should even own a pair of shorts with a team logo or a cute slogan written on them, but could we please cease on the butt-cleavage? If you're asking your team to "cover the spread," it only seems fair that you reciprocate.