Toughest thing i have and will go through in my entire life

[Trossi3389]

First - it pains me so much to have to post this guys.. but it's one of the things i need to do to help move me forward... and that is i've been living in a lie for so many years... an evil i wouldnt wish upon my worst enemy, ( oxycontin ) the drug that took my stepfather five years ago has its hooks in me.. during the years i maneuvered taking it functionally.. but when this drug went from OC's To OP's my addiction turned for the worse.. around a year and a half ago i started snorting heroin along with the OP's.. it got to the point where i started thinking about shooting it.. "chasing a nod that was getting harder and harder to achieve".

i came to realize it was now or never to decide my fate.. to either let this evil take everything from me including my life.. i was at the stage where i was really dipping into my livelihood.. my wife, our buisnesses, our properties and most of all family & freinds in general..

i kept everyone in the dark about my addiction.. my wife thought my buisnes was in trouble due to economical reasons.. little did she know i had a $200.00 a day habbit.. i felt like shit waking up everyday, short tempared, no sex drive.. just didnt want to do a thing !!!! her coming home seeing me balled up in the shower from severe withdrawal my first day of recovery absolutely crushed me.. it's a miracle i kept everything in check financially... i lived in a oxy/heroin box and i knew if i went to the needle i would never see the light of day again..

But the drug did underestimate me in one area... the last 2 weeks of my use i laid out a plan "using this evil" to get off it.. so i sit here typing you today that i am now 11 days clean, stll withdraling, able to eat little and able to at least post this... everyday that passes i learn a new tool to get to that recovery.. i.e - went to my first meeting today.. ( something i always thought i was too good for ) see usually i'm the type of person when i put mind to something i get it it done.. i never ran into something where i had admit "its got me" and look for a handout.. but that's not it either.. i'm finally realizing i need to open up.. cause its one of strongest tools to get an addict through... minute by minute day by day..

i know this is just the beginning of my road and i have many more road blocks to go... will my plan work ?? i dont know but theres only one way to find out.

it kills me to think that you guys will now look at me in a different light.. especially those closet to me on this forum.. but for some reason i felt doing so cause i know alot of you can relate to situations as dark as mine.

[thinkingdog]

Good luck to you Trossi...I hope that better and better days lie ahead for you!

[Patriots Game]

Jesus will help. I can't. Pray brother. Get well. I don't know you. You are a family member to me and others. We want you here. Your family wants you around. Stay strong. God bless. Stay strong. You are at a point in your life where you cannot have selfish actions that affect others. Your family needs AND wants you to be you. The real you.

Be strong.

[mrhotpicks2]

my man ...... its been a long time since we spoke. use to be very tight. your beyond a great person man, remember when we thought you would never get married you can do anything you set your mind too bud, and im very sure you will be fine. its good to be open about this type of thing. you & your family will be in my prayers old friend.

[Patriots Game]

Oh. I will never think of you differently.

[Windy City Irish]

god man....hang in there, get help. it will all be ok. lots of my family members have dealt with some serious addiction issues and got the help they needed. its there if you look for it, want it and accept it.

anything you need....and I think I speak for everyone here....just ask

[Steel]

Actually I think better of you now then I ever did. Your a good guy your on a good track. You finally realized that your life means something to "YOU". All I can tell you is I have lost many friends to this drug. Many never wake up like you are today. I pray that you will find peace in your life. Its times like this that you will find out who the real people are in your life. Please add me to the list. If I can do anything for you or your family please let me know. I am also going thru a mess. Please take the time to go read a post I left titled "My Family". If I can get thru my mess you can get thru your mess. Your a strong person and I want to thank you for sharing this with us. I will keep you in my prayers. And remember, your a good person and you belong on our team not the evil team. God bless you and stay strong.

[Gobbler's Knob]

You are one brave man. Good luck starting your new life.

[vikesfan]

All the best to you, sorry to hear about this .

[Wreck_IT]

Props to you Trossi, it takes a real will power to fight any addiction. GL to you in more than just a bet.

[Victor]

Shit happens Trossi3389. You are making it through the 1st step by openly admitting to a problem. Trust me my man. The 1st step is the hardest, then everything will become easier. “One Day At A Time”

[Keith]

Hang in there Trossi. Get well soon bro

[justdonating]

Trossi,

We don't each other personally, but I've seen you in the Mall since I joined. My friend I don't think less of you and even if I or anyone else does that shouldn't matter. What matters is doing whats best for yourself and your family. It takes some freakin' stones to first get help and second admit you have a problem. God speed to you along the way in your recovery. If you ever just want to shoot the shit get my info from Jack.

JD

[Mendoza Line]

Brave of you to post all that. Surely a good step.

Stay strong. Win.

[Chris46139]

stay strong Trossi, you know I'm here for you if you need it for anything, I'll jump in the car and drive down the thruway if you ever need it. We are all pulling for you