True stories from the ER

[Ron Mexico]

BELIEVE, BUT THESE ARE ALL TRUE STORIES
FROM EMERGENCY ROOMS AROUND THE COUNTRY:

FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was
examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler
fell
from under her armpit, a dime was found under one
of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the
folds
of her vulva. eeewwwww.....


PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan , a man came into the
ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had
"...a
rat in her privates..." which bit him during sex (not the first
conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination of
his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside
her
after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the
ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend
were fooling around with concrete mix, when his
boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a
funnel
(you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no shit
Sherlock!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a
perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping
pong ball. (Boy - we
live sheltered lives!)

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania
ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
lenses.
He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back
in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success.
Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his
contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of
his cornea. (Oh my gosh!!!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a
Washington State emergency room covered in bloody
restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the
woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors
that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome
with
passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the
man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit,
which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from
side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and
stabbed her in the head until she let go.