What Tiger Woods SHOULD Have Said:

[Victor]

Not sure if this was posted before. If it was feel free to delete the thread.
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What Tiger Woods SHOULD have said:

"To my wife, I'm sorry. I ****ed up but I'm not changing so you'll either need to put up with this shit or I'll stroke you the check I agreed to in the pre-nup... sorry.

"To my fans, get over it. Where I stick my dick is none of your business. If you care... sorry. I don't need any of you in order to make 10 times in one year what you'll make in a career. I promise to continue to hit 4 irons from 210 yards to within 10' of the hole and drop puts that you couldn't read in a million years. If that's not good enough for you, go watch tennis.

"To the media. You cocksuckers are the only ones more two-faced than I am. Kissing my ass for all those years and then ripping me every chance you've had since Thanksgiving. **** all ya'll. I'm glad I don't have to take the time to sit and answer the same bullshit questions over and over again.

"To the other golfers. Kiss my cablanasian ass! You mother****ers come out ripping me when I've put more ****ing money in your pockets than you could count. You think anyone's been paying to see Jesper-****ing-Parnavik? Give me a ****ing break. I'm almost tempted to give up golf just to punish you guys but I think it's going to be more fun to practice for the next few weeks and get back to making you all my bitches.

"That's all I got today folks... see ya at Augusta ! Oh, and Bambi, if you're listening, I'll meet you at the Ritz in 45 minutes."