Are You Gay ? (not that there is anything wrong with it)

[Keith]

GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF EXAMINATION

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major leagues,
NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat!

[guzzi]

winky winky...

o yeah...what da hell iz a "fressier"...

[Gobbler's Knob]

8. If you quote Billy Crystal you are a big fan of the hammer.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Gobbler's Knob

8. If you quote Billy Crystal you are a big fan of the hammer.

ouch !

[Gobbler's Knob]

Originally Posted by Keith

ouch !

lol..........That guy looks like my Grandmother

[guzzi]

what???...

[Dr. Jack]

You forgot to add #8

If your name is HoosierCatDaddy, and you follow the WNBA and you live in Indianapolis but root for the Bills to - you are without a doubt GAY

[goterps74]

Originally Posted by Dr. Jack

You forgot to add #8

If your name is HoosierCatDaddy, and you follow the WNBA and you live in Indianapolis but root for the Bills to - you are without a doubt GAY

u should have said, but jump on the Colts bandwagon when they reach the SB

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Gobbler's Knob

8. If you quote Billy Crystal you are a big fan of the hammer.

I have no idea what you're talking about

[Ron Mexico]

Originally Posted by Dr. Jack

You forgot to add #8

If your name is HoosierCatDaddy, and you follow the WNBA and you live in Indianapolis but root for the Bills to - you are without a doubt GAY

Did you see the way he flew off that mechanical bull. He's seems really light on his feet!!

[guzzi]

Originally Posted by Ron Mexico

Did you see the way he flew off that mechanical bull. He's seems really light on his feet!!

lol... ...fresh prince...